Reality TV on the Real

Alright, so I admittedly have an obsession with Reality TV. And while I would like to think of myself as someone who surrounds themselves with things to stimulate my mind...that really goes out the window with Reality TV. It's purely mindless entertainment. And I love every minute of it!! So, throughout the weeks of premieres and finales and every mindless minute in between, I am going to keep you abreast of all of my favorite Reality TV trash!

Let's start out with my old stand-bys that I love:


AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL- Wednesdays 8/7 central, CW

So, this season is Cycle 9 and we are 2 weeks in as of tomorrow. "How in the hell has there been 9 seasons of this shit and I still don't care about it?" you might ask yourself.

Truth be told, I'm pretty excited about this season because there are actually several attractive girls this time around. Last season I was really disappointed. I know that I'm no model, but I know what "attractive" looks like, and those girls just weren't cutting it last year. I had Rene picked as the winner, and she came in third after that completely insane Russian bitch and the not-so-spicy Latina, Jaslene. My pick aside, they were all not very attractive by model standards. I wasn't thrilled.




Cycle 8 Winner Jaslene = busted tranny








But this year I am stoked. Even though she's not my favorite I am picking Lisa, the dancer (stripper) from New Jersey for the winner. She looks like model. Really though, I think that Janet is really cute and Victoria, a student at Yale, is also really cute (but Cameron likes Victoria so I'm going to root against her). Also, I don't think that someone intelligent enough to go to Yale should waste their intellect walking down a runway. She could cure cancer- let's not waste her.

Janet- My favorite

Victoria = too smart to model


Lisa = is gonna win and needs to 'cause she's a stripper


Here is what is seriously pissing me off about the season though- the girls are terrible, terrible bitches to contestant Heather, who suffers with Asperger's Syndrome. The girls keep complaining that she "isn't social" or she is "socially awkward" or she "isolates herself" or, most ignorantly, that she acts "weird." I want to punch these bitches in the face. If for once in their vacant lives they would pick up a book or surf the "interweb" (as they might call it), they would know that Asperger's is very similar to Autism, and people who suffer from this disease tend to have difficulty making personal connections and relationships, and also tend to be socially cut off or isolated. But, of course, these daft bitches just write Heather off as being "weird." You know what I think is weird? Not seeking literature to acquire knowledge. I hate these bitches. I hope Heather takes the whole thing.



BEAUTY AND THE GEEK- Tuesdays 8/7 central, CW

So, it's Season 4 and we are 3 weeks in. I got hooked on this show last season with the help of the old fiance'. And I love it. If you've never seen B&tG, here's the deal: they pair up "geeks" and "beauties" and make them do competitions in things that are NOT their fortes; for example the "beauties" will do political debates and put computers together and the "geeks" will decorate a room for a girl or put together a romantic basket. The idea is that they learn from one another, grow, and "become MORE than just the beauty and the geek" (according to the show's intro). It's actually very interesting and the participants usually walk away more well-rounded people.

So, the "beauties" (up until this season) have always been chicks. They get girls who are stereotypically "beautiful"- huge tits, blonde hair, tan, awesome body, etc. and they also make sure that these girls are COMPLETE MORONS. Matter of fact, one reason that I like to watch the show is to see the stupid shit that the "beauties" say in their confessionals. It's awesome.

The "geeks" have always been dudes, and they have always been supreme geeks- guys that go to MIT or work as astrophysicists or something. This season we have a LARPER (Live Action Role Play), and a guy who is president of a Rubber Band Club. And here is the thing about geeks- they are adorable and I love them. I always end up having a crush on at least one per season. I mean- let's be honest- I'm marrying a "geek." While he's not socially awkward like a lot of the participants on Beauty and the Geek, his interests are stereotypically "geeky" (Ladysmith Black Mambazo or Battlestar Gallactica anyone?). It's no wonder that I like this show- I wish that every girl would see the light and snag her an awesome geek.

Anywho- back to the show. While I am excited to see the show back, I am PISSED about something. They have decided to shake things up this season and add something new in the house- a MALE "beauty" and a FEMALE "geek." I have no problem with this. The problem that I have is that the male "beauty" is an actor, Sam Horrigan, who appeared as a child in movies like Little Giants and Brink!, and as recently as this year in the film Accepted and the TV show Desperate Housewives. Here is a pic if you can't remember this asshole---


Sam Horrigan in Brink! on Disney (he was the villian opposite Erik von Stratten...God, why do I know this?)


And see, I don't have a problem with them bringing in an actor as long as:

A) they didn't know that he was an actor (which is impossible because he just got done shooting a movie)

or

B) he was brought in as an actor on purpose and it will be revealed in a later episode why they put him on the show knowing that he is an actor.

But, right now they haven't revealed anything publicly, which is why I have a problem with them treating their audience like stupid assholes assuming that we wouldn't find out that he was an actor PLAYING a "beauty". I mean- we would have to be stupid to not recognize this guy and do the math. And the fact that they would put an actor in there on purpose means that the producers aren't giving their audience very much credit. Hopefully it was on purpose and we are SUPPOSED to figure out that he's an actor.

On the show he lists his occupation as "club promoter" and goes by the name Sam. He also acts like a complete meat-head and douchebag- so maybe is a better actor than the industry gives him credit for?

Either way- I'm anxious to see how it plays out.

On another note, I don't like that they added the "hot guy" or "beauty" in the equation because the "beauties" can't stop drooling over Sam and remember why they are on the show. He's already hooked up with one girl, and who knows how many sluts he'll bang before the show is over. The poor "geeks" get shoved aside, and what these guys really need is a little attention to build up their self-esteem. All this D-Bag, Sam, does is pull the girls' attention AWAY from the geeks (where it needs to be). Actor or not- I hate him.



THE REAL WORLD SYDNEY-- Wednesdays 9/8 central, MTV

Wow. After the last few seasons I didn't think that MTV could put together a less interesting cast of "7 strangers picked to live in a house"...but they have really outdone themselves. First let me say that I am an O.G. when it comes to MTV's Real World. I started out watching original New York season and stayed with them through Miami, Los Angeles, Hawaii, San Franscisco, New Orleans, Seattle, Boston, London, Paris, Chicago, and ALL the crazy places that they have been (my favorite casts are San Francisco, Hawaii, New Orleans, Seattle, Miami, and the original New York).

But I think the show started to go seriously south with the Las Vegas cast. They stopped caring about finding interesting people with real personalities and cool occupations and just tried to stick as many hot, horny 20-somethings in there as they could. It became about hooking up instead of growing as people. The girls were all hot idiots (Trishelle being a pioneer) and the guys were all hot frat boys (I'll give Steven the credit for starting this trend). They weren't interesting at all.

Remember Kevin from Season 1? He was a poet and an author. How about Pedro from San Francisco? He was living with AIDS and traveling around speaking about the subject. How about Rachel from that same season? She worked for the Republican party. And Judd? He was a cartoonist. How about Sarah from Miami? Comic book editor. Justin from Season 8 was openly gay and went to Harvard. Elka from the Boston cast was Mexican-American and grew up a conservative virgin. Sean, from the same cast, was a conservative lumber-jack who had to live with Montana, a staunch feminist. Even as recently as the Chicago cast in 2002 we had a recovering-alcoholic still-in-the-closet homosexual, an ex-foster kid and possible hypochondriac, a Jew with an eating disorder, and a black son of a preacher. Now THAT makes for interesting television! They weren't all beautiful, but they had something that the recent casts haven't had: substance.

Of course, things have changed. With the Las Vegas cast, everyone was beautiful and hooking up with one another. I would recall the highlights of other casts since then and their personalities, upbringings, or occupations- but there just AREN'T ANY. I have liked a few of them (Alton and Irulan from Las Vegas, Ace from Paris, Randy and Jacquese from San Diego, and all the dudes from the Denver cast), but it wasn't because they were interesting in the least- it was more because they were cool and I wanted to hang out with them.

You know what was the WORST Season? It's a tie- Philadelphia and Austin. Can you even NAME anyone from the Philly cast? Neither can I. And Austin was bad because it had THE DUMBEST group of people. Let me jog your memory:

-Melinda was an empty blonde with huge cans. Job? I don't know. No one cared
-Wes was a rich frat boy from Kansas City
-Danny was a carpenter or something from Boston (and a HUGE moron D-BAG)
-Johanna was exotically beautiful but that proved to be the best thing about her
-Nehemiah was a student and loved his culture. That made him slightly interesting
-Rachel was a winy C-word that only got cast because she used to be in the military
-Lacey was boring as hell but the most interesting one because she had a boyfriend who was in a wheelchair...and that's pretty interesting.


Real World Austin = Worst Cast Ever
So that was Austin. And I effing hated it. I have hated every season since Las Vegas. Stupid MTV.

Is it because I'm old? If it is- tell me, please. Because I know that when I STARTED watching Real World I was 10-years-ol and everyone older than me seemed cool. So maybe it's just that watching a bunch of 20-year-olds party doesn't interest me anymore? Or is it really that they aren't casting interesting people? I hope so. I don't want to lose touch.

Soooooooo, this Season, we are in Sydney and the girls are TERRIBLE. You know if you've been watching. We have:

-KellyAnne
What is her job and/or background? Who knows...MTV doesn't give us that anymore because they don't cast based on that anymore. What they DO offer for a bio is that she "is hot and she knows it, which she uses to her advantage". Basically, this girl flirts with every man in sight because she needs attention 24/7 and she is the exact type of girl that I hate. Case closed.

-Shauvon
I KIND OF like this girl. She's real generically hot, but she's at least nice and seems half-way intelligent for brief moments. Plus- she can actually list a real job of sorts. She's a sex columnist.

-Parisa
She's completely neurotic and has dreams of being a singer...and she should stop that immediately. She constantly sings on the show. All of her cast-mates hate it, and so do I. What is interesting about her is that she is Muslim. That's topical, so MTV cast her.

-Trisha
This could be the most terrible bitch in Real World history. She is so hateful and complains constantly about the most mundane things. She was raised super-conservative, and now she's your average, run-of-the-mill, holier-than-thou HYPOCRITE. For example, she refused to go with the other cast mates to a Gay Pride Parade, but (of course), she is completely okay with drinking, dressing like a slut-bag, cussing like a sailor, and being completely hateful to everyone in sight. I hope she reads this so I can tell her this: If Jesus IS real- he probably would want you to stop being a complete bitch.




Trisha- I can't say for sure, but I'm pretty sure Jesus hates you






Now for the dudes, we have the coolest group of dudes since New Orleans.

-Cohutta
This guy is from Georgia, and he is country-fried as hell! I love him! He's very sweet and down-to-Earth. He's funny and nice to everyone. He's very conservative, but doesn't try to push his beliefs on anyone. Very cool.

-Isaac
I want to party with him. He is hilarious and cool as hell. My favorite line of the season was this exchange:

Trisha is listening to some musicians on the street. She starts to cry and sing along as they play Open the Eyes of my Heart, Lord. Isaac walks up to her and says "Are you crying? Dang- these guys must be GOOD."

It was awesome.

-Dunbar
He's kind of a D-Bag, but he's better than a lot of the guys that they cast. At least he's got an interesting past- abuse victim and moved out on his own at a young age. He also has a girlfriend at home and actually seems to be staying committed to her. That's a miracle. So that wraps up the Sydney cast. If you want to get EXTREMELY irritated with MTV and wonder how The Real World could fall so far from grace, you should check it out.



THE BIGGEST LOSER- Tuesday 8/7 central, NBC

If you don't watch The Biggest Loser, start immediately! We're only 3 weeks into the new season, and it's as good as ever. You know the gist, right?

They take super-fat men and women and put them through rigorous training in order to lose weight. They vote each other off and the winner ends up with a big pile of money. What I LOVE about The Biggest Loser is that even the losers win. Even if you get sent home- you've lost weight, learned a lot about health an nutrition, and jump-started weight loss for the rest of your life. It's great!

I admit- I get all warm and fuzzy when I watch this. Plus, I'm obsessed with weight-loss and exercise, so I feel good when I see others get into it as well. Plus, as a bonus- there is always at least one guy and one girl who end up SUPER-HOT at the end of the shot after they've lost 200 pounds. Gotta love that.



PROJECT RUNWAY-- Wednesdays 10/9 central starting Nov. 14, BRAVO

As you see, this one hasn't started back up yet, but I've been watching it for two seasons. It's a fashion design contest, and even if you don't have the slightest interest in fashion you will love to see all the drama go down. I love/hate the egos. Watch it!



I LOVE NEW YORK 2-- Mondays 9/8 central starting Oct. 8, VH1

Why do I watch this? I don't know. It must be the same reason that I watch ALL of the Reality TV garbage that VH1 spits out. I love Celebrity Fit Club, Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School, The Surreal Life, Flavor of Love (which premieres in January, mind you). New York is crazy and completely a caricature of a person...but I love watching the madness. I just sit back and laugh. I can't wait for this season and for these assholes to make a completely mockery of love and relationships.



Now it is time for shows that are new in my viewing repertoire or are "new to me" as they say:


KID NATION-- Wednesdays, 8/7 central, CBS

If you are not watching this, you should. It was very controversial before it aired because of issues with the children being supervised and such. Basically they took 40 kids (ages 8-15) and the kids are building a community together in an abandoned town called Bonanza City. It's adorable. The kids do "confessionals" and they say the most hilarious things. I have a favorite kid already- he's a funny little Jewish kid named Jared. And it's actually inspiring to see kids coming together and making good choices with all of the poor choices that I see kids making day-to-day.


THE HILLS-- Mondays, 10/9 central, MTV

Why is anyone watching this show? I watched it twice and I felt like I may have lost a few IQ points. If you are watching this show- STOP IMMEDIATELY.



Now, a preview of a show that I am SO excited about I can't hardly stand it:


AMERICA'S MOST SMARTEST MODEL-- Sundays 9/8 central starting Oct. 7, VH1

Now THIS is going to be great. I'm not really even sure what the gist of the show is- but I know that Ben Stein is hosting it and they are going to make supermodels look REALLY STUPID. And I'm all about that.




And that's it folks- my Reality on the Real for the week. If you made it all the way through, you should get a prize. Now that I've introduced you to all of my favorite reality trash, I'll keep you posted on the good, bad, and ugly of each show.

Actually, can we do a poll? Leave a comment with your vote--



WORST REAL WORLD CAST EVER:


A) Season 17- Key West


B) Season 16- Austin



C) Season 15- Philadelphia




Vote or die. Hugs.

Wizard of Awesome



P.S. I hope this entry was better than the one about my dog shitting and puking